June the Ninth of Two Thousand Eight The Year of Our Lord

By the graces of Tint and KNak (NO idea they went to the same high school until today), the two of them drove up from Irvine to take me out to dinner and to drink the night away.

So CPK it was. I whipped out my license ready to order a drink...except the waiter looked unimpressed and even confused, as it took him a while to figure out that, yes, I was of legal age to purchase alcohol. (The waiter had one of those Tim Taylor/chimpanzee looks of confusion while looking at my license). After perusing CPK's rather limited drink selection list, I settled on a Sam Adams lager. Happy with my decision, I prepare myself to enjoy the first drink that I myself have purchased...only to see our waiter return thirty seconds later to inform me that they were out of the Sam Adams lager. Frustrated, I flipped open the list again. Unable to find anything truly satisfactory, I settled for a Bud.

I went from a Sam Adams lager to a Bud. Beyonce would not be happy (hint: Comcast commercial).

From there we shared a Long Island Ice Tea and then, unable to stand up to my standards of manliness, I ordered a Peach Breeze. I ordered the girliest drink on the menu and I POUNDED THAT SHIT DOWN.

The rest of the evening was spent with a handle of Malibu and playing Rock Band at some random guy's dorm room. That, and making incredibly immature, stupid prank calls to Greg, one of which involved a Jeopardy and the other a series of voice mails that, when pieced together, depicted...exactly what our Jeopardy said.

Malibu is not that good for straight shooting all night long.
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UCLA's bluebooks are intense. On the cover of every one of them is stated the following:

"I understand that academic integrity is highly valued at UCLA. Further, I understand that academic dishonesty, such as cheating and plagiarism, are violations of University policy and will be pursued by the appropriate campus administrator. Finally, my signature below signifies that the work included is my own, and that I completed this assignment honestly.

Signature:_________

Sanctions for academic dishonesty include suspension or dismissal from the University. There are alternatives to academic dishonesty. Please see your TA, professor, tutor, the Ombuds, or the Dean of Students to discuss other choices."

Really, though? Really? Is that really necessary? This is a world-class research institution with one of the best medical schools in the entire world. And, according to the CollegeHumor Cheating Survey, 41.5% of students at schools WITHOUT an honor code cheat. So save yourself some of the ink and intimidation, treat your students like adults, stop insulting their intelligence, and assume that they won't cheat. If you do catch them cheating, the solution is simple: DOMINATE them. Dominate them in every thinkable orifice.