My thoughts during Commencement Convocation 2008:

-I am so tired of playing Pomp and Circumstance. It's not even that good a piece.
-What is this, the third time we've looped this fucking piece?
-Holy Moses, my lip is bleeding.
-Nope, that's just the red dye from the candy earlier.
-Now it's bleeding.
-I wonder if Bob gets tired of doing this crap year after year.
-Why are there all these helicopters surrounding us?
-Bill's checking his mobile web...gunshots on Durant? Oh shit, somebody got shot near Top Dog. I'm sure glad we're here instead of there.
-Finally done. Haha, good thing we're in the shade...look at all those poor suckers sitting out there in the sun. Must be hot as oven-baked honey glazed donkey balls out there.
-KARMA SHIT ON A STICK, CRAIG NEWMARK IS A BORING-ASS SPEAKER. I WASN'T AWARE THAT VOCAL MONOTONY OF THIS CALIBER WAS POSSIBLE.
-.....
-.....Oh dammit, we're playing again.
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Obama-Edwards '08.