Michael...BOLTON?!

Jimmy Fallon - that no-talent ass clown Lorne Michaels hired as the new Adam Sandler much in the same way that Horatio Sanz was intended to be the new John Belushi - has officially been announced as O'Brien's replacement (that was a self-test, by the way - I guess referring to him as Conan really does sound better, and will be the standard henceforth) on Late Night when Conan moves up an hour to fill Leno's vacant spot on The Tonight Show.

Let it be known, here and now, that I am a huge Jay Leno fan. Stone and brand me, but I stand by my opinion. He's not that great at interviews - Conan wins there, absolutely agreed - but his background in stand-up really shines during the monologues. Conan's comedy style in terms of the really gimmicky and sophomoric stuff really disgusts me. This becomes especially clear when Conan presents news clippings or advertisements, in an effort to emulate Leno's recurring "Headlines" segments. Leno's news clippings and ads are real - they're so damn amusing because it's a funny thing to point out all the little things in life that stick out of the ordinary. Conan's writing staff Photoshops like crazy when he tries to do the same segment. They don't have anything real, and the stuff that they put in aren't even that funny - they're predictable. Once in a while something fresh comes along, but for the most part it's uninspired, very forced comedy, in my opinion. It's forced because they go for the ratings, not for the art. Leno, in some aspects, has evolved his show to compete with the younger TV demographic that Conan is eating up like a fatty beast - this is one thing that I have disliked about Leno in the past couple years, but I still think his segments are much better than either Conan's or Letterman's.

Not that Conan doesn't have wit or any jocular insight - he is very quick when it comes to interviews, one thing that I really appreciate. The Walker Lever was good the first time - not so much what Conan was saying, but the editing and timing of the clips themselves were well-done. It got old, though - Chuck Norris really isn't all that. Triumph is definitely one of my favorite television creations - the hire for his puppeteer was a smart one. Quick reactions with a lightweight, almost debonair quip or insult with every comment - that's the stuff I really dig. This is possibly one of my favorite clips:


I'm not even going to talk about Letterman because I wasn't old enough to appreciate him in his prime during the late 80's and early 90's, when he was the host of Tonight (before NBC screwed him over). It is not surprising, however, that I really abhor Letterman's shows in this day and age. They're not funny, the comedy is strained, and the studio audience sounds like sympathy, politeness, and tradition rather than true reaction to the presented material. Some say that Letterman "phones it in" on a regular basis now, and I sadly say that I have to agree.

...but back to the point.

Jimmy Fallon? Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME? The guy who can't get through a single sketch without breaking character and cracking up and exposing himself as a hire paid far too much for his skill level? The guy who has starred in box-office smash hits such as Taxi and Fever Pitch and sold multi-platinum albums such as The Bathroom Wall? (By the way, that Grammy nomination for that album is such bullcrap - I can't believe I managed to forcibly sit through four tracks of that filth.) THAT guy? I'll take SNL-era-Sandler with fries on the side any day, thank you very much.

In retrospect (and by retrospect I mean the six seconds it took to hit Enter and type "in retrospect), Fallon's coming into a totally different playing field - in the same way that Leno is great at one-way comedy which comes from his stand-up roots, heavy in rehearsal and scripts, Fallon may be great in the position as a talk-show host, heavy in improvisation and making the conversation interesting and giving the audience a reason to tune in.

Maybe.
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Obama-Edwards '08.