Fixing Senioritis

I’ve been clicking back and forth between months on my Google Calendar. Some might be hit with the sobering realization that they will be graduating from college in about six weeks and start freaking out and locking themselves in their rooms and crying and slamming the Jack.

I am one of those people.

But that freakout moment happened a couple of weeks ago. The reason why I haven’t written much is because I’ve found so many other things with which to occupy my precious, precious time before I have to leave childhood forever. Note: I’ve never considered myself an adult except in the legal sense. It’s quite obvious if you take a look at my sense of humor. I’m the kind of guy who wants to live in a house with a pile of dead babies in one corner, roadkill kittens in another, a bookshelf full of vulgar jokes and pictures of boobies, and a fully-stocked bar on top of an endless Jewish deli (my last meal on Death Row, before I get electrocuted for drinking a smoothie made of one dead baby, three cups of puppy organs, one tablespoon of fresh endometrium and blood from Hillary Clinton’s latest estrous cycle on national television, will be a potato knish with gravy, a jalapeno bagel with lox, tomatoes, cucumbers, and shmear, a bowl of matzo ball soup, a bottle of Dr. Brown’s black cherry-flavored soda, and a whole smothered fried chicken from Chicken and Waffles).

Calvin said to Hobbes while sitting under a tree, “The end of summer is always hard on me, trying to cram in all the goofing off I’ve been meaning to do.”

Having admitted my childishness and immaturity, I can now safely say that I have been really happy cramming in all the things that I have not really had the time to do in the previous 3.5 years because I simply haven’t had the time and had too many other obligations to face. Here’s what I’ve been up to:
-Making all five flavors of Skittles vodka en masse
-Drinking in my room
-Crying
-Falling asleep while listening to Jim Gaffigan, masturbating my navel, and craving Hot Pockets
-Chilling and drinking at Beta Lounge, the greatest bar I have had the good fortunate of meeting. [Shameless plug: If you haven’t already, PLEASE go check out Beta Lounge at 2129 Durant, cross Oxford. They have some awesome deals like 4-7pm Happy Hour daily, $5 cocktails on Mondays, $20 wine bottles on Wednesdays, and $3.50 sake bombs and half-off sake on Sundays. To boot, Gabe, Elon, and J.A., the owners and operators, are the best people EVER. Tell them Gordo recommended them.]
-Playing as much badminton as possible before RSF membership expires
-Somehow losing ~10lbs since January
-Working on speeches
-Reworking those speeches while drinking
-Apartment-hunting in the Richmond area
-STAYING THE FUCK AWAY FROM THE RICHMOND IRON TRIANGLE
-Promoting synergy LIKE A BOSS
-Continuing my three-month-long search for a real-life nautical-themed Pashmina Afghan that I can wear to graduation