Difference between [insert race of your choice] and a bucket of shit

For those of you who don’t know what a bucket list is, a bucket list is a list of things you want to do before you die, or “kick the bucket.” For some, it’s an incredibly sobering, midnight oil experience. For others, it can be tragically short – a list of things to do given a couple of weeks to live. For an asshole minority (such as myself), it’s only half-serious and mostly for entertainment value. Creating a bucket list allows you to set the bar impossibly high so that when you don’t accomplish any of it, you still feel okay about it, thus ending your life on a high note. (I’d much rather do that than take Vince Vaughn’s advice and set zero expectations so that you feel good all the time.)

My Bucket List thus far:

[] Attend a sold-out Liverpool or Celtic F.C. game and sing "You'll Never Walk Alone" at the top of my lungs

[] Visit Anfield

[] Probably learn something about soccer it’s called football, you Yankee shit before doing either of those things

[] March in the Rose Bowl Parade with the Cal Band

[] Get into medical school

[] Write the greatest American novel of all time

[] Meet Kiefer Sutherland Jack Bauer, shake his hand, and tell him how honored I am to meet a true American hero

[] Check out the new CITRIS building

[] Work in Stanley Hall because it’s badass

[] Work in the not-yet-finished Li Ka Shing Center for Biomedical and Health Sciences because it will probably be badass

[] Mathematically figure out how the fuck UC Berkeley has all this money to build all these new buildings but not enough money to give Cal Band its due

[] Attend Gabe’s Hit The Slopes in Dwinelle

[] Find out how safe brothels in Thailand are

[] Visit Thailand for three days with $900 USD in my pockets

[] Visit Planned Parenthood for…um…precaution

[] Cry