Gordo Gets Lucky

Foreword: I'm going to stop importing my entries into Facebook until the imported formatting is fixed. Until then, everything will still be here, same hugsless time, same hugsless network.

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I love board games. Call me a geek, but there's something about the social aspect of having multiple bodies physically sitting around the same board and playing the same game that satisfies me to a level far greater than any MMORPG or online game could achieve. (It's also why I love the Wii, but not online.)

Now, I've never been a particular master at the real thinking man's games, even though I enjoy them all the same. I've never been big on Chess, but I certainly do appreciate its educational and entertainment value...unless, of course, we're playing with the Kama Sutra Chess Set. Then you've got my attention, at least for a short while, before I run off to the bathroom ten minutes into the game and mysteriously stay there for fifteen. (Note: how do you even tell the pieces apart?)

(Source nerve)

Clue, Battleship, Mancala, Monopoly, Wits & Wagers, and BANG! - the more childish, less intelligent games - definitely top my list, because if I want to think, I'll go to school, dammit.

However, today I happened to get the chance to play a riveting game of Scrabble, and the words that I happened to make were so good (and my letter draws were so lucky) that I had to photodocument them and present them. I am not making any of this up - these plays actually happened today.

O Fortune Moment #1:

I got to spell "GANJA" pretty early in the game - my second or third turn, I think. I just happened to draw G, A, N, and J.

Then, a few turns later, I drew W, O, and L to spell WOLF off FIG. The very next turn, I drew two Es and a D.

I think Fate is trying to tell me something with these two words I was able to spell. I'm not quite sure what the prophecy is though - the voices speaking to me are a little fuzzy. But the people on the interwebs tell me that there's some sort of mystical plant out there that can help elucidate the voices you hear in your head. If only I could remember what it was called. Help me, Obi-Wan.

About halfway into the game, this was my rack of letters:

The board at this point (maybe 2/3 into the game) was such that I was SURE I couldn't make any really good moves; I figured the greatest number of points I could get on this turn was six, which would have put me in a dangerously close margin to my opponent's score. Just as I was about to put down "TIE," I took one last glance at the board, and suddenly a halo of golden rays, more beautiful than the Holy Grail, more brilliant than the Campanile in the dusk, more pure than a single tear rolling down Oski's cheek as we lose in LA, hit the periphery of my right.

A few turns earlier, out of desperation, I had wasted a turn getting only nine points spelling "TIT." (Retrospect: not a wasted turn at all; the entertainment value granted my halftard twelve-year-old brain was quite rewarding.)

The ONLY sensible play that could net me a good number of points was this:

O, how we giggled and snorted and el-oh-elled. The strangers around us thought we had gone batshit. (Relevant tangent: who wants to play Battleshits? Give me a gallon of milk and bring it on.) I did it sort of as a joke, but my opponent was so entertained by the notion and so gracious that I was granted the play. AND IT GOT ME...1...2...3...carry the...IT GOT ME HELLA POINTS.

But now you may be staring at this picture and asking, "Hey Professor Gordo, you're a dumbass. Even if 'TITTIEBAG' is accepted as a word, which is only marginally true, what the hell is 'MATEE?' Epic fail, bro."

My opponent and I definitely picked up on that and had a quick discussion regarding the legitimacy of the play on contention of the word "MATEE."

Me: "HURHURHUREEEEHEHEHHEH TITTIEBAG"

Buddy: "Okay. Calm down."

Me: "EEEEHEHHEHEHEHEEEE okay are you going to accept 'MATEE?'"

Buddy: "Well, certainly. I mean, if there's a matEE, then there has to be a matER, right?"

Me: "So...one of them is just lying on the bed while the other one is doing all the work?"

Both: HURHURHURHURHUR

It was thusly agreed that "MATEE" was not only an acceptable play; it was a brilliant play. ESPECIALLY because it was attached to "TITTIEBAG."

Oh, and dear ol' Cal Bandsmen:

Edit [2.8.09 2359]: A trusted friend - henceforth referred to as PeePee - was kind enough to give me his opinion on the legitimacy of the word "tittiebags." Claims: "tittiebags" is a legitimate word only when used as 1) an insult or 2) medical equipment terminology. I asked for sample usages, and this was what was given:

1) Jon Brockman sucks hard at freethrows; look at his giant tittiebags. (Shaquille O'Neal would have also been acceptable.)

2) Johnson, I need two tittiebags, stat!