If Disneyland is the Happiest Place On Earth...

...then why do people commit suicide there?

For our 66-dollar-entry worth 12 hours of plastic costumes, superficial family unity, and make-believe magic, I must admit that this trip to Disneyland was the happiest time I've had in a long while. Normally the "Joy" slot in my heart would be filled by Cal football wins, but since "Nate Longshore" is to "field general" as "MTV" is to "music" (as "KFC" is to "chicken" - LB), guess that can't really happen. But heavens, the fireworks show was fantanstic. I can't believe that they have that fireworks show every night - it's insane how much effort they put into every detail, into keeping the park pristine (there is NO litter ANYWHERE), and most importantly, keeping up the image of the Magic Kingdom, the place where wishes do come true and magic is everywhere. Or something like that, I'm not sure, because they only blared those messages over the park PA system about fifty billion times, and I usually need something repeated to me fifty-one billion times to really sink in.

As we watched the Walt Disney's Parade of Dreams (presented by Sylvania, I might add), David pointed out that among all the park attractions, the costumed princesses walking around, and the costumed princesses on the float waving hello to all, Mulan does not appear among any of them. I argued that most would not consider Mulan one of the classic Disney princesses, as 1) she is a war hero rather than a damsel in distress, 2) she has yellow skin and slanted eyes, which Walt would never approve of as an American role model, and 3) she's probably a lezza, having mixed in among men without any problems for a long period of time. God knows good ol' true blue American Walter Elias Disney wouldn't want to promote THAT kind of anti-Christian, un-American behavior (perhaps blaming the Jews for all of America's problems and banning bagels from Disney movie sets are more his cup of tea).

We went on Space Mountain five times. FIVE. Because, damn it, if I'm paying sixty-six dollars to relive my childhood dreams, I'm going to beat the horse to death, beat it some more after it's dead, cook and eat the dead horse, crap out those remains, and then beat those remains some more.