Go Go Power Illusions of Grandeur

T^3, a highly valued friend of mine since sixth grade, showed me this hilariously adorable little Japanese dollar store down in the South Bay called Daiso. Ok, I guess it's not really a dollar store; Daiso is "Japan's #1 ranking livingware supplier" according to their website, but the sheer variety of odd knick-knacks and the extremely low prices at which the products are offered means that, really, it's Japan's #1 ranking overseas dollar store. Anything authentically Japanese, from bowls to backscratchers to candy, can be found in that little store.

T^3 decided to take me to Daiso because she had found the oddest, most specific piece of livingware I've ever seen: a $1.50 banana keeper. As you can see from this image (HT: LunchInABox)...

...the banana keeper is a hard carrying case made specifically for bananas or plantains. Actually, not a bad idea, especially if you are a frequent consumer of bananas and you don't want them to get smushed in your bag. I, however, subscribe to Alton Brown's philosophy of "the only uni-tasker in the kitchen should be your fire extinguisher." If we take a look at this thing when it's closed up...

...well, you get where I'm going with this. The banana keeper is clearly NOT a uni-tasker. For only two buckaroos, it's the cheapest date a lonely girl can get OH! Ummm but I'm totally sure that T^3 bought it SOLELY for the purpose of keeping her bananas in good shape.

Back to the story. I went to this specific Daiso location in Mountain View and found THE best impulse purchase I have ever made. Honest to heavens, no other impulse purchase for the rest of my life will ever top this. Ready?

JAPANESE HERO MASKS. The set of five masks, which costs about $18, consists of five masks, each with a different color, different shaped eye-hole, and different identification number on the forehead. The inaugural team photo you see here is notably missing a member, Number 4. This unfortunate situation leaves me no choice but to reveal his secret identity because he was a lazy dick and decided to miss the first team meeting. That's right, $R$, I'm looking at you, you inconsiderate son-of-a-bitch. There was crime to fight and damsels in distress to save. And what were you doing? Sitting at home watching Modern Family? Time to reconsider your priorities. This city needs heroes, and those heroes are US. So screw you.

Along with the inaugural photo, we appropriately marked his absence with a commemorative photo touchingly accompanied by a dead flower, representing the sentiment that NUMBER 4 IS NOW DEAD TO US.

I guess we're either going to have to hold auditions like in Mystery Men or we'll have to hang up our masks forever, leaving the city naked and defenseless to Luthor/Godzilla/meteor/heart attacks. I'm opting for the latter.

It took me about a month to realize that there is a movie coming out about what our team could have been. Kick-Ass opens April 16th, starring Christopher "McLovin" Mintz-Plasse and Nicolas "HOW'D IT GET BURNED HOW'D IT GET BURNED OH GOD NOT THE BEES AHHHHH MY EYES NOT MY EYES AHHHHH" Cage. (If you don't know what I'm talking about, watch this clip, and then watch the entire movie. Best night of your week, I promise.)

This movie provides definitive evidence that we don't need superpowers to be superheroes. Hell, if even Nicolas Cage can run around in a leather skin-tight suit and kick a bunch of villain ass, then I see no reason why a bunch of 22-year-olds can't either.

God bless the Land of the Rising Sun. What a fantastically mysterious and peculiar culture.