Mussorgsky’s Great Gate of…uh…China

I can’t think of a good way to describe the scene we saw that day. I guess the closest would be that we were staring at a solid sea of heads and sound. Either side of the parade route was overflowing with outstretched arms reaching toward something unseen. Most of the folks looked like locals, but the crowds were notably diverse. I couldn’t help but wonder just how far some of these people came to see these sights. We were so far back in the crowd that our line of sight was completely obscured. What were these people reaching for? What powerful force would drive them wild like this? Somewhere in the deafening commotion, they called some name over and over, made indistinguishable by all the background noise of explosions and constant screaming.

"You get that Blue Shell away from me, asshole!"

We all know about Berkeley's strong history of open political dissent and public protests (and counter-protests) of issues ranging from budget cuts to property rights of sewer rats. What you may be less familiar with is how much the City of Berkeley hates cars and the people who drive them. The sheer number of inexplicable one-way streets and phantom alleys is enough to extend a simple five-minute drive across town into an epic three-part journey involving answering the Sphinx's questions and throwing a ring into the heart of an active volcano.

More pleasant surprises

Reason #1,034 why it is awesome having a mother who barely understands and speaks English: I can play Robin Thicke's "Sex Therapy" with her in the car and the only response I get from her is "Hey, that's a nice-sounding song - it's much nicer than that really loud obnoxious stuff you normally listen to."

Dulles Airport sucks for not offering free Wi-Fi

It’s been a fun week on the bEast Coast, but I’m sobering up at Dulles right now while waiting for my evening flight. This post won’t be funny or sarcastic or witty. Skip it if that makes you uncomfortable, but no torches or pitchforks, please - I just redid the kitchen.

I’ve seen old Boston, the birthplace of liberty, I’ve walked the Infinite Corridor at MIT, I’ve touched the golden pee-toe of John Harvard, I’ve struggled along the hobbled brick sidewalks up Beacon Hill, and I’ve seen the Fenway Fanatics REALLY up-close.

I’ve also seen northwest and central DC, I’ve strolled ‘neath the blooming cherry blossoms in front of Healy Hall at Georgetown, I’ve judged far too many students for wearing the entire catalogues of J. Crew/L.L. Bean/Burberry, I’ve walked the entire length of the National Mall in 85-degree weather, I’ve eaten at the history-laden Ben’s Chili Bowl (WAY overrated), I’ve tasted Five Guys Burger (I’m really torn between Five Guys and In-N-Out), and I’ve experienced what REAL subway systems should be like, thanks to both these cities.

I’m going to Georgetown. I had already kinda sorta maybe-ish made up my mind a week ago about which school I wanted to attend, but this little vacation really set everything into stone. I was a little wary about picking Georgetown before really walking in and seeing the campus and The District. Now, I’m more sure than ever that I’m making the right decision. Hell, I even found the house that I’ll be living in next year. GIANT BACKYARD PORCH FOR BEER PONG WOOOO oh wait I mean uhhh relaxing open-air study/dining environment!

Hoya Saxa, Go Bears, and the Nats suck.

(Your regularly scheduled programming will resume when I get back into good ol’ California.)

Go Go Power Illusions of Grandeur

T^3, a highly valued friend of mine since sixth grade, showed me this hilariously adorable little Japanese dollar store down in the South Bay called Daiso. Ok, I guess it's not really a dollar store; Daiso is "Japan's #1 ranking livingware supplier" according to their website, but the sheer variety of odd knick-knacks and the extremely low prices at which the products are offered means that, really, it's Japan's #1 ranking overseas dollar store. Anything authentically Japanese, from bowls to backscratchers to candy, can be found in that little store.

T^3 decided to take me to Daiso because she had found the oddest, most specific piece of livingware I've ever seen: a $1.50 banana keeper. As you can see from this image (HT: LunchInABox)...

...the banana keeper is a hard carrying case made specifically for bananas or plantains. Actually, not a bad idea, especially if you are a frequent consumer of bananas and you don't want them to get smushed in your bag. I, however, subscribe to Alton Brown's philosophy of "the only uni-tasker in the kitchen should be your fire extinguisher." If we take a look at this thing when it's closed up...

...well, you get where I'm going with this. The banana keeper is clearly NOT a uni-tasker. For only two buckaroos, it's the cheapest date a lonely girl can get OH! Ummm but I'm totally sure that T^3 bought it SOLELY for the purpose of keeping her bananas in good shape.

"Gullible" is TOTALLY in the dictionary

When it comes to April Fool's Day pranks, I've never been the successful aggressor. In middle school, you could probably find me hiding in the boys' bathroom, scared to initiate any human interaction lest they give me some terribly unfunny news like "your mother was in a car accident in the parking lot and both her legs are broken!" or "oh wait, just kidding, she actually has cancer." (You understand WHY I believed that car accident story - my mother is female, Chinese, and above the age of 60, which legally qualifies her as a road hazard, required by law to maintain an empty radius of 50 feet around the vehicle.) Of course, the jokes were always innocuous, released by a simple "April Fool's!" Unfortunately, by that point I would already be screaming and crying about which hospital my mother was in or how far the cancer had metastasized. The horrified look on those kids' faces were priceless, especially the always awkward, always embarrassing "holy crap, does his mother ACTUALLY have cancer?" look. Yeah, I didn't make many friends in middle school. Shut up.

NO MORE. This year's April Fools' Day will go down in my books as the Glorious Victorious. Since none of my students read this blog, I'm going to reveal my genius plan of action and you will revel in my glory. Tomorrow, I'm going to teach all my students incredibly wrong formulas and concepts. That way, when they come back to me in a week or two with tears on their faces and F's on all their tests, I'll clear the air with a jovial "April Fools! Haha, see, now wasn't that hilarious?"

I was BORN to be a mentor.