Doing science LIKE A BOSS

Cardinal Rule Number One about putting your life on the World Wide Series of Tubes for all to see: never, ever write about work. (Well, for some, it might end up being a godsend, like one of my favorite blogs, Dooce.) Unfortunately, that means that I’m losing quite a bit of potential material about which to explore and share. But no matter, we will sally forth (“Who is Sally? And why is she fourth?” – Bubsy) and make the best of a lost opportunity. Because I am immature and still enjoy games marketed to third graders and don’t want to risk the wrath of my employer, let’s play some mad libs! Write down each of the following:

-Name of a company
-Emotive adjective
-Time of day
-Name of Cal Band member also interning at name of said company
-Expletive
-Food item
-Verb, simple present
-Unit of currency
-Bodily function, present participle (verb-ing)
-Illegal firearm of Russian origin
-Vital internal organ 1
-Vital internal organ 2
-Vital internal organ 3
-Clothing item
-Debilitating disease
-Verb, present participle (verb-ing)
-Name of virus or bacteria
-Day of week 1
-Day of week 2
-Your favorite cuisine
-Gender that has penises

Ready? Let’s play!

Gordo is an intern at name of biotech company and is very emotive adjective about his job. Every day, he wakes up at the ungodly hour of time of day to go to work. His carpool, operated by the very talented and very sexy name of Cal Band member also interning at name of company is frequently frustrated at Gordo’s refusal to come out on time. However, Gordo says “ EXPLETIVE! “ to that because he still vehemently believes in the absolute cemented legitimacy of Berkeley Time.

After arriving at work and realizing, yet again, that he forgot to eat breakfast, he raids the kitchen and eats the free food item that the company so generously verb, simple present . He then looks longingly at the vending machine that offers 20oz. drinks for 50 cents and Red Bull and Rockstar for ONE unit of currency and decides that drinking that much Red Bull for that cheap could lead to no other path than bodily function, present participle on my kidneys before my system busts out a(n) illegal firearm of Russian origin and completely obliterates my vital internal organ 1 , vital internal organ 2 , and vital internal organ 3 to smithereens.

Then, off to work! Gordo dons his nameless white lab clothing item and starts to figure out his experiment schedule. “But Gordo!What exactly do you do?” you ask. Good question, sport! Gordo is hopefully helping to cure debilitating disease by verb, present participle DNA so that name of virus or bacteria can’t infect you and kill you! Yay!

Working for this company has a lot of nice perks. For example, we get free dinner every day of week 1 and day of week 2 . The dinners rotate among Thai, Mexican, Chinese, and your favorite cuisine . Also, every Friday the gender that has penises members of the lab gather outside, crack open some beers and chips, and have weekly Happy Hour. It’s the one time I get to really see these guys outside of the workplace setting, and I realized that they, like me, are nerdCORE. They can’t stop talking about science, even when work is over and there is excellent beer present. I do the exact same thing.

I love being a nerd, and I love my job to death.