We got The Axe back. 24 is back (FINALLY). Obama won the presidency. Tom Brady is injured forever. Ohio State is not going to the national championship game. With such a string of amazing events occurring within such a short period of time, this can only mean one thing:
This will be the BEST YEAR EVER. With all the stars aligned, I am 126% confident that the following things will happen:
-We will continue to keep The Axe for a long time, or based on this year's fortune, at least for another year.
-Cal will go to the Rose Bowl on January 1, 2010 and win.
Corollary: Joe Kapp will taste tequila for the first time in 52 years, but as a result of not having tasted the drink in so long, will go crazy, strip naked, and streak through the streets of Oakland howling like a hyena.
Addition: the homeless in the streets of Oakland will mistake his howls of insanity for springtime mating calls and gravitate to his location.
Additional addition: Kapp will assume a new superhero identity as Homeless Man, utilizing his newfound powers to drink tequila and summon the homeless at will to do his bidding.
-I will ace all my classes, get into med school at Harvard, graduate in three years, and use my charm and wit to convince the powers-that-be that I am so brilliant I don't need to go through residency and can begin practice immediately. Shameless plug: Look for Dr. Gordo's Super Amazing Gynecology Clinic, coming to Telegraph and Parker in August 2013. Clinic hours 10pm-3am, CASH ONLY. Prices negotiable.
So to sirs and madams Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, and Oops-Sorry-We-Don't-Like-You, thank you for guiding your lines and finally getting things right.
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