High-Fructose Corn Syrup Is In My Blood

PermaRA and I, both Bay Area natives and first-year bEast Coast transplants, like to play this little game called “check the weather back home.” We’ve never won this game. Typically, the weather here has been so much worse than the unbeatable beauty of The Bay that we had to stop playing it as a drinking game, for fear of developing Alcoholic Liver Disease.


Not this day.

Maybe the Big Man Upstairs was feeling generous and flipped the Earth 180 degrees upside-down. It’s 70 degrees and sunny here while The Bay is getting hit with rain and cold. This definitely won’t last long – certainly not through the weekend.

But it’s little things like this – a sudden surge of girls-in-sundresses-watching-weather – that keep me from giving up. I think I’m burning out, and it’s not a good feeling.

To be honest, I’ve never really experienced what it’s like to be “academically burned out,” mostly because I rarely gave 100% in the classroom. When I was younger, I put all my faith in my intellect and my ability to bullshit my way up the ladder. It served me just fine through high school. I picked up the pace a little bit in college, but not by much. (I still can’t figure out how I passed organic chemistry.) The point is, I took for granted the meaning of an honest day’s work.

Not this year.

The competitive nature of our program means that anything less than an A- is unacceptable. The difference this time is that I am no longer good enough to compete without working my face off. Amy “Tiger Mom” Chua and my own mother would be proud of the jars full of blood, sweat, and tears collectively generated by our class.

HT: TigerMomSays

As someone who was raised on the belief that hard work will pay off and that the harder you work, the greater your reward, it is depressing to see instances where these mantras fall flat. This is why I feel myself burning out – not only because I’m giving 100% almost all the time, but also because I see very little return. I have only received an interview from one school thus far, and there’s no guarantee that Georgetown will invite me (we will find out in about a month whether or not that’s true). I shouldn’t be complaining – some have worked just as hard and haven’t heard a blip from any schools. To have received even one is a blessing, because in the end, all it takes is one acceptance and you’re golden. But I think my engine is running out of fuel.

Never in my life have I said “excited” and “Nebraska” in the same sentence. Let’s face it, unless you’re the world’s biggest fan of steak, chillin’ with Warren Buffett,  and OMG SO MUCH CORN, Omaha probably isn’t at the top of your career destinations list.

Not this time.

Having spent a lot of time in California and a decent bit in The District, I honestly can’t wait to see what Omaha is like. And yes, I am legitimately excited about the prospect of spending the next few years in Nebraska. I’m not ready to move back to California yet.

Shoot me now, Gordo-from-five-years-ago.