The Internetz is for porn NOT

I'm not typically one for political commentary because, knowing damn near nothing about the history, mechanisms, and landscapes of American politics, I risk emulating 99% of the talking heads on TV who think they know jack shit about politics. Instead, I prefer to nitpick at all the other little things that usually have zero impact on the real issues at hand.

(Wait a second.)

...Anyways, I'm going to put politics aside for the next five minutes and let the world out there know that Sarah Palin is smokin' hot and I have a creepy Google Images crush on her. Sexy librarian from my por...I mean, DREAM REcollections: despite what Juno MacGuff may claim, I don't have to be a bonehead jock to love Palin and her all-too-distracting, hotter-than-Tabasco-doused-Alaskan-King-Crab-legs pictures acquired from a simple search on Google.

Some argue that with the selection of Palin as VP candidate and his marriage to Cindy, John McCain has now established a track record of being an old, dangly-skinned/-cocked creeper. I take personal offense to that comment. It's clear that these people attacking McCain are simply 1) jealous, 2) lonely, and 3) overweight Asian who can't get a date to save his life.

(Wait a second.)

...Anyways, McCain made an executive decision based on the most educated and knowledgeable part of any man's body: his dick. Using that parameter, McCain made an excellent decision and is well on his way to proving that he has what it takes to lead...based on his penis. I mean, Hillary has her moment from certain angles and certain lighting, but she really can't shake that certain Bitchface McGee aura that has unfortunately plagued her since her husband Bill "Horndog/THE MAN" Clinton was in office.

Palin, on the other hand, looks like the sweet young mom next door (yes, looks, as in present tense) who hires a steaming hot gardener and then, one hot summer day, invites him in for lemonade and then fucks the bejeezus out of him.

(Wait a second.

Yes, that's correct. Fucks the bejeezus out of him. I have to stop doubting my train of thought.)

...Anyways, scratch that. She's more like sweet cheerleader girl next door who got into a career of insanely shitty chart-toppers and being the most expensive/widely televised stripper on the world and one day decided to marry one of her backup dancers. The difference is so small that it's basically negligible.

I do, however, feel a little sorry for McCain. It's just too bad that ol' General McCain and His Undersecretaries won't be able to carry out His duties to His fullest extent without some extra assistance from a lot of Blue.
(+5 extra credit if you can catch all the completely retarded puns I just made.)

I'm also glad I vote with my brain instead of my member. Sure don't want those hanging chads ending up in places they don't belong.