DML Runs On Dunkin'

We've only had two exams thus far, and already I've developed the terrible habit of restricting myself to 15 minutes of daylight during the review day before the exam. I get to the library by 9:00am or so with a packed lunch and what ought to be an illegal number of Red Bulls. I then have passionate, 14-hour-long romps in beds of roses and honey with my notes and PowerPoints. The only fun I have during these marathons is stress-eating, but that's not a thing to complain about because it's just…fun. It's a terrible, disgusting lifestyle, and I wish I had more discipline to study regularly.


DML, our home away from home, was nice enough to host a study break on Wednesday night at 8:00pm for all the stressed-out folks committing mental suicide in the library. Free Dunkin' Donuts and coffee + broke graduate/medical students + a reason to tear our eyes away from pictures of malformed fetuses = done and done.

8:00 came and went, and still no donuts and coffee. The congregation in the lobby got larger and more restless. You could hear blood glucose levels dropping like rocks.

The library receptionist then announced that the donuts and coffee would be 15-20 minutes late due to traffic caused by the hostage situation at the Discovery Channel headquarters in Silver Spring, MD.

"Wait. Hostage situation? What's going on?"

Then I looked up at the lobby TV that always has CNN on. Some crazed gunman had walked into the Discovery Channel headquarters brandishing a gun and some metal canisters, likely bombs, strapped to his body and had made some weird demands about environmental activism.

ZotZot, ever the comedian, spoke up: "Hey Gordo, I didn't know that you were a tree-hugging paranoid schizophrenic."

At first I didn't get it. Then the TV showed a picture of the guy, and I had to laugh. My house agrees that this guy looks like me in 20 years:

(Source AP)

…which brings us back to the late donuts and coffee. Where on Earth was this Dunkin' Donuts that they went to? My guess is that it was in the lobby of the Discovery Channel headquarters building.

It's unfortunate that this man's mental condition led to such a violent end, but being the jerk that I am, I have no qualms about making fun of this situation (mostly because none of the hostages were harmed). He can say all he wants about environmentalism and Discovery Channel not doing enough about it and yada yada yada, but my theory is that he was pissed that Shark Week ended.
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