Because we have no internet at the new house yet, I'm currently sitting next to Carter Pewterschmidt at a Starbucks on Wisconsin Ave., about a five-minute walk from the house. (Seriously, this guy looks and sounds just like him, except in New Balances and a Microsoft tee instead of loafers, ascot, and silk robe.) I'm furiously scratching my 18 mosquito bites while cooling down with an iced latte and Starbucks' full-blast A/C, listening to Mr. Pewterschmidt wax poetic on the perpetually unruly state of his dog's hair.
The heat and humidity here right now is absolutely unacceptable, even for people who aren't spoiled Californians. The weather here is now beyond a test of the human condition. I hope it's not too late to go back to church, because this is badass Old Testament God coming back with a vengeance; we are all Job, and Judgment is nigh. 97F weather and 70% humidity? Flash thunderstorms? Insects? Time to say fifty Hail Marys and buy locust insurance.
Of the three days I've been in The District so far, yesterday was the most notable. It was a big day of firsts: first time using Zipcar, first time driving in D.C., first time driving in Virginia, first time driving a Toyota Yaris, first time driving a red (ssssss) car, first time driving a car with barely functional brakes, and of course, first moving violation. For all the things I chose to leave behind in California, I couldn't shake Murphy's Law.
I drove for seven years in California without a single ticket. I'm in The District for two days and I get owned by a "No left turn 4:30 – 6:00" sign that I missed and a pen-happy cop trying to meet his quota for the month. I guess it was The Big Guy's way of encouraging me to take public transportation.
If you're curious about the post title, no, I didn't go to the Department of Motor Vehicles. Just as San Francisco has "the Bay Area" or "The City by the Bay" and New York has "The Big Apple," the greater Washington metropolitan area deserves a memorable, immediately connective name. This area has long been in dire need of a hip and inclusive nickname. "The District" strictly refers only to Washington, D.C., which excludes the areas in Virginia and Maryland that are largely considered to be in the confines of the Washington area. "The Nation's Capital" is too long and simply isn't catchy enough.
Rejoice, o weary traveler! Our friends at the Washington Post propose a fantastic solution: "The DMV," short for D.C., Maryland, and Virginia. I LOVE it. I'm going to ride this donkey all the way to Washington, confusing looks be damned.
Go Bears, beat the heat, still our Axe.
P.S. New "About" section up above, for those of you who have all those burning questions about me.
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Haha, you'll get used to the humidity. It makes everything green! And those radical summer thunderstorms that come out of nowhere and turn the sky green are so freaking cool. And fireflies. Gotta love the fireflies.
ReplyDeleteAlso, it's funny that they call the area the DMV, because in Maryland the "DMV" is called the "MVA."
We already miss you, Gordon. Post often so we can hear what you're up to!