"My Humps" = The Breast Cancer Awareness Theme Song

Quest for Oregonia, a.k.a. WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT BEARS story coming soon, I promise. But we now interrupt your regular programming for this important message. Have you ever felt cold and wanted to just lie down on a couch with a warm blanket but also read/eat/channel surf incessantly at the same time while keeping your arms covered by said blanket? Well now you can!...oh hey just kidding. Sally forth.

Our company is currently doing a lot of fundraising for the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation, as noble a cause as any I've ever heard of. Certain people simply donate cold, hard cash, while others find a way to benefit not only the kids at JDRF but also their fellow employees. To reach that goal, many of them have bake/cook sales - hot dogs, homemade cupcakes, tamales, pearl milk tea, etc. (I wonder how much house takes for "production costs" or if they actually give 100% of proceeds to JDRF. Hmmmm.) The major players in these sales are two of my favorite coworkers, Arcadia and JLo. Now, the day before every sale, Arcadia will send out a company-wide email containing something along the lines of "HEY Y'ALL KNOW WHAT TOMORROW IS THAT'S RIGHT IT'S HOT DOG TUESDAY AGAIN HOT DOG CHIPS CUPCAKE $3!!!!!!!" or something equally ridiculous. The best part, however, is that he includes an awesome hi-def photograph of the meal. You know how McDonald's makes a Big Mac look like it should taste as if it actually has two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun...














when in fact it looks like this?

Well, that's exactly what Arcadia's hi-def photos of his delicious, plump ballpark franks (wow that didn't come out right at all THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID oh stop it) does. False advertising, sir! I ought to report him to the Better Business Bureau.

Anyway, as I was standing next to CatsofBerkeley (yes, that's a real blog by a real guy I know and work with) looking at this amazing photo, FDU walks by and exclaims, "Oh, would you stop ogling that? Do you know anything about the explosion of obesity rates in the United States in the past two decades? I'm going to send all four of you this CDC article with all the statistics so you guys stop eating that utter garbage." And, FDU being FDU, he immediately went to his office and sent us this link, which in truth is 1) ridiculously scary and 2) more fodder to use against Alabama for any and all entertainment/insult purposes. (Watch the slideshow - Alabama is ALWAYS the first to go.)

Then, of course, Hojin sent us a link about KFC's new Double Down sandwich. This is 100% real and currently only offered in Rhode Island and Nebraska as test markets. (Please excuse the fact that it's sourced at Faux News.)

Atrocities/AWESOMESSS like these are exactly the reason why websites like This Is Why You're Fat exist and flourish, and by atrocities I mean Alabamans. It's really not our fault that Americans on average are obese and dying from the number one preventable cause of death in the country. It's THEIR fault. But let's look at the silver lining. This leads me back to why I chose to title this entry what I did (there's ALWAYS a reason, fool): without innovations like the Double Down sandwich or Wendy's Triple Stack, where would we get entertainment such as this, the purest and most principled blistering-speed humor only found in absolute Americana?